9 Ways to Fight Your Inner Momzilla

I’m old enough to know myself pretty well by now lace mother of the bride dresses, and I know I can be pretty bossy. (Or, as Sheryl Sandberg might say, I’m a leader. )#) Yet my love for my daughter trumps everything, and the final thing I want to do is fight with her over wedding details and create a rift that would bring us both heartbreak. So i made myself some rules that you might find helpful. (MORE: How to Heal a Rift With your Adult Child) 1. Don’t let money kill the fun. Weddings — even down-home affairs where people drink out of jelly glasses — run into what most of us consider big bucks. If cost isn’t significant, bless you. But at some point, the high cost is likely to become an issue.

 Ariel and her fiancé had an unrealistically low estimate of the final tally, so they’re suffering from a case of sticker shock worse than her father and I. From the beginning, though, he and I had a budget. We said we have $X total and might spend $X on the caterer, $X on flowers, $X on the music, etc. The number I told Ariel was actually a little less than what we can afford, but being honest, we’d rather they use any “extra” money for a downpayment on a house. Knowing we have shake room makes me a little less stressed when presented with bills. 2. Accept that her taste rules. Ariel’s colors are dark emerald green and sparkling wine.

Personally, I would never pick green. And I certainly wouldn’t have gone with green hydrangeas for the bridal bouquet. Of course, she thinks it’s crazy that we got married in a (dressy) three-piece suit with flowers in my hair, didn’t have any bridesmaids and that my flower girls weren’t wearing matching dresses. Fortunately, we decide on the most important thing: Her gown is gorgeous, and she looks stunning in it. 3. Meld your planning styles. Ariel and her friends have this image of an MOB stashing her important materials in a three-ring binder. (Like they do on Say Yes to the Dress. )#) I have seen such planners online, and a friend whoever daughter got married last year used one. Being a bit of a minimal geek, however, I prefer sending everything to my Evernote, be sure you notebook that syncs between my desktop, laptop, ipad and iphone and which Ariel can also log in to. 4. Be around. Technology makes this pretty easy mother of the bride dresses with sleeves.

 If Ariel text messages me saying she needs a photo of the gown ASAP (she keeps no photos on her phone so there’s no chance her fiancé will catch a view), I can zip off any of the several pictures I have on my phone. When she sends an immediate message with links to pictures of dresses she’s considering for the flower girls (or for me), I click on them and comment. Images of ties for her bridegroom arrive by email. She lives a hundred and fifty miles away, so i can’t “be there, ” but she knows that a few keystrokes will have me by her side.